Falling off the wagon

We’re less than 10 days into the new year and the sheen of hope and change that the chime of midnight brings is starting to wear off. Everyone knows how difficult it is to maintain those resolutions we all make on the eve of each years “new beginning” - motivation and commitment for a few weeks and then the waning of it begins. That’s really when most people start to fall off the wagon. 

I know this because I’m one of those people that the wagon has left far behind. Multiple times a year, I lay on the ground while I watch that wagon I just fell off of get further and further away from me - sometimes getting up to stumble along after it - and then falling flat on my face again. I do this, over and over and over again to my own detriment and, to be completely honest, I’m not really sure why. 

Why is it so hard to commit to change?

I’ve been told before that I’m too comfortable in my comfort, but it’s taken a long time for it to really sink in. Why am I unhappy? Why can’t I find the drive I need to move forward?

When I rule out the aspects that are affected by my mental illness, I’m left with the fact that I’m constantly choosing comfort over change. 

How many of you are doing the same?

A friend posted something yesterday that I’d like to share with you.

“You can wake up any day and be different. Stop the act. Drop the old defense mechanisms. You can wake up and decide to change anything you want, at any moment… Fear holds us back so much, but there’s nothing to be scared of. Fuck failure or looking “dumb.” It’s all a part of the story. And it doesn’t even hurt THAT bad when you fuck up. Doesn’t hurt half as bad as not knowing who you could be.” 

I wonder if you really can “wake up any day and be different.” That’s much easier to do for some than others, of course - having the ability to start the process of change requires a level of privilege and time. But if you have the means to, even making the decision to wake up an hour earlier than you normally do is a choice. And making that choice day after day becomes habit. How many choices are you making right now that you wish you could do differently? I think that we really can learn to be different.

These changes I want to make are not just change for the sake of change.

It’s choosing to change for the sake of the betterment of myself. Can I be healthier? Happier? Can I enjoy all of the things I do while being of more service to those around me? As someone with a mental illness, can I take better care of my mental health and learn to ask for help when I need it?

What is in my control? What’s in yours?

Making these changes obviously won’t happen overnight. But I can start with a choice, today. Just one, and then another and another.

So today I’m choosing to be different in one small way. I’m not getting on a wagon - I’m walking along it’s tracks. Nothing for me to fall off of, but a solid path for me to follow.

My challenge to you is this: instead of looking at the long list of resolutions you’ve made for 2022, think about something you’ve always wanted to change and do THAT first.

I, for one, never feel ready for anything. So I guess you can’t really wait until you’re ready.

You just gotta take the step.

- Mel Rivera